Been so long

I have not written about anything for so long and today marks a not so happy day. Though I am still hoping that the test is wrong and tomorrow blood test will show the more accurate result. All the signs on my body is telling me that this round is not successful again.

I have the feeling of my period is coming today and I don't recall having such "strong" feeling last time. I knew I had some pain but this definitely felt like my period is coming.

I won't put the blame on anyone or anything, maybe it's just not time yet. I was very relaxed about this cycle and of course was hoping for a positive result but it seems not likely.

Last time I did the test the day before and it was already showing positive result. But today, it's not the same.

I hate this Clear Blue pregnancy test that says "Not Pregnant". It's such a such disappointment for people like me. It almost felt like a slap on the face. I think I should just stick to the lines type.

Cycle stopped

We went back to see doctor on day 9. During the scan, there was no visible follicles shown. So Dr F decided to do a blood test and we had to return in 2 hours. The blood test is called Estradiol test, or E2 test. 

So Estradiol (E2) is the primary estrogen, the major female reproductive hormone, and is produced in the ovaries. As they grow and develop, the egg follicles produces estradiol. We need at least 200pg/ml to show there is follicle growth at this stage. 

Upon returning, the test result was really low, like 50pg/ml. Low beyond low. So we had to abandon this cycle. 

We had a discussion about what's next and what are our options. So for now, I will go on a month of DHEA. In hope that this will enhance my follicle and egg development. 

DHEA is a natural hormone produced by the adrenal glands, the glands that sit on top of the kidneys and produce hormones in response to stress. They also produce androgens, or male hormones, in both men and women and DHEA is one of these.  One of its functions is to act as a precursor for the production of the predominant female sex hormone, oestrogen: DHEA is converted to oestrogen by the ovaries. 

DHEA replacement can increase the levels in the blood and potentially have an effect on the growing follicles in the ovaries to be converted to the female sex hormone, oestrogen.

So here goes to a month of pills!

Suddenly...

I felt so disappointed. It didn't hit me earlier on but I can't help but feeling disappointed that there is only one follicle on Day 6 then I have 2-3 on previous cycles. I'm not feeling exactly positive right now. Sigh...

Day 6 review

After 5 days of these jabs, today is review day. During the scan, it only showed one follicle developing on the left ovaries and none can be seen on the right. When Dr F checked on our previous cycle, it seemed to be similar case. We can't be sure if there will be more and nothing will happen. If based on previous cycle, we should be able to see more in the next couple of days.

Dr F was contemplating to see us back on Day 9 (before the weekend) or Day 11 (after the weekend). I guess he chose Day 9 just to be sure I am responding to the treatment and that more follicles are really forming.

So now besides the Gonal F and Menopur, I have to jab daily the growth hormone (which I had on a weekly basis last month).

Here we go!

Today we went to see Dr F for next course of action. And so... here we go. I will be on Gonal F and Menopur for 5 days and will need to return on day 6 for review.

I want to make sure that Andrew won't feel neglected since he has been showered with undivided attention from us, especially me, since the day he was born. I will still care for him unconditionally, but the attention will be halved if we have a new member. I will still do what we do, putting him to nap, making his milk/meal, do all kinds of activity with him, shower with him, etc. And I know it's easier said than done especially since a new born will take up all my energy. Anyway, it's too soon to worry. But I will do my best to make sure he gets my love no less!

First flight (with own seat)

My baby has grown so much that he is now eligible for a seat of his own on a flight. We took a short flight (less than an hour), just the two of us. I wasn't sure if I could handle it if Andrew decided to throw tantrums or cried from the pressure on the plane. Thank goodness it went on smoothly.

First thing first, the moment we sat down, I put on the seat belt for Andrew then myself. While waiting for take off, we entertained ourselves with in-flight reading :) Then not long after the taxi off, I gave him something to munch. He was ok with the taking off. In fact, he fell asleep not long after that! And it was uneventful all the way. Andrew slept through the landing and woke up only when the plane came to a total stop! Awesome right!!

Overall, I'm glad it was uneventful and I hope Andrew enjoyed his flight.

First jab for Project 2.0

The blood test taken showed that I have normal amount of eggs reserve but it is at the low side of normal. With some discussion and calculation of my period, we decided to kick start immediately. So, first thing is to have myself injected with growth hormone in hope of getting better quality and healthier eggs. Since during last IVF, I only managed to have less than 5 eggs, so instead of aiming for quantity, we are going for quality now.

I had the first jab on 12 July 2014. I'm not sure what is the dosage but it's "25 clicks" on the pen. In the meantime, I am also taking Vitamin D, Folic Acid and Omega 3. I will need to have 2 more growth hormone jab on the next 2 Saturdays!

Here we go

We have decided to go on another round of IVF in hope of starting project Andrew #2. We went to see Dr F last Wednesday and had my blood sample taken to test on how many eggs do I have. This is something new that I didn't do last time before having Andrew. So... here goes!

Back to basics

I have been getting worried with some lack of development or missing milestone. So I'm going back to basics with some of them and I got to pin point where and what did we miss.

One of them being not always responding to his name being called. Secondly is his lack of eye contact - which has improved lately. Thirdly, finger pointing.

Let's not get ourselves with too much on the plate. So will be working on these for now.

I read this article and find it to be useful and will work on this for item #1 on the list. So yesterday we started our reward system. He got 7 "rewards" and I must say we really gotta work on it harder. Today was much lesser earlier in the day, maybe because he was "angry" with me for making him to sit in the public toilet for his big business. He has this thing about public toilet and will just refused to use it no matter how desperate he is. And so he wasn't too interested to do ANYTHING that I asked of him. But later in the evening, he responded a handful of times - this is after me letting him joined me in the kitchen while I cook. Recently I bought him some pots and pans and cooking utensils that he can play with. He seems to enjoy himself very much and this is one of his creative play session.

Favourite playground

Little Andrew is not a fan of playground since his first experience - be it indoor or outdoor, he is just not into it.

So one day, we went to Ikea and they have this children furnitures and toys on display in a section at the entrance area. It was filled with soft toys, toy kitchen cabinets, toy cooking utensils, tables, chairs, cars, etc. Andrew immediately felt right at home! He was playing with everything there! I didn't expect him to be so mesmerised by the play area that he refused to leave - BOTH TIMES we went to Ikea!

Money saving tips- no need to bring your kids to expensive indoor playground, just bring them to Ikea!

It's been awhile...

I have not been updating any new progress about Little Andrew lately :( I seriously need to work harder to keep it up!

We travelled by car a lot and occasionally we travelled up north and the journey will last for at least 3.5 hours. Little Andrew has been doing this since he was little. And has no problem dozing off in the car or staying in his seat when he is awake.

But sometimes, some entertainment must be on hand to keep the little one occupied. So snacks like cookies and fruits are always abundant! Toys to keep him busy. Sometimes we draw and lately reading, well more of staring and flipping. Well, whatever it takes to keep him at ease :)

S.T.R.E.S.S.

I had this eczema out of nowhere. And I had 2 serious case of outbreak in a span of 6 months. I never had eczema, not ever. I thought that it might be due to hormone imbalance.

Then these couple of nights, I started to have insomnia. So bad that the other day I didn't sleep a wink, or maybe I did but definitely not more than an hour of sleep in a span of 36 hours! Again I thought that it might be due to the tea that I had.

Tonight made me think about why all these problems. I guess my denial to even think that little Andrew needs help in his development made me stress? I'm not sure.

He still can't talk or say any words that really make sense at 28mo. He kept repeating "bao bei" and lately he will say "mum" for food/milk. But that's about all that he says. Oh one more is "Ahm" when he sees me getting his meal ready. He does babble a lot but not talking and this really made me worried. Well, more of in denial and putting it all to "boys talk later" but how long can I use this excuse right?

And his lack of eye contact... I actually see some improvement but could have been more or better.

I am so worried sick in a way that he is autistic. I know for sure he is not of severe case because he can take instructions though he chose to ignore me sometimes... but another thing that worries me is he sometimes doesn't respond to his name! So you see... accumulative small little gestures, or rather the lack of it, made me stress.

I think I need to look at it more seriously now that he is 28mo. should I seek intervention? should I seek out for child development specialist? I dread the outcome. This has to be the most stressful event of my life!

At the moment, I am trying to work on these issues with little Andrew and am hoping that it will work out. Again I am stressed thinking if I did the right thing, if I've done enough to help him.

I wanted to enroll him to a playgroup so he can interact with other children his age. Will this help him to behave like his peers? Because I can't help thinking maybe I did something wrong somewhere that I'm not showing or teaching him the right way.

Tonight is the first time I felt like bursting into tears. I am holding it back not to! Oh yes I think my stress level is all time high now.

Ok back to having vege

Day 2 of Ok-I-Will-Eat-My-Vege. Yaye! What more can I ask right? I am giving him mixture of vege and fruit juice but it's by no way replacing his vege intake And it shouldn't be. He should be eating his vege and not be a picky eater. I don't want little Andrew to grow up becoming a picky eater. I love food!!! So he can't be picky!

He is ok with feeding himself. In fact, I am willing to let him just feed himself whatever ways he wants. But the OCD daddy won't allow cause it's just too messy at times. But I'm totally into letting him do whatever he wants and show him the right way from time to time. We gotta make meal time fun time right? I don't want him to hate meal time!

No vege!

Don't know why or when, Little Andrew started to pinch out every single vege that he can see. He was all good when I did the feeding. But lately he started this terrible habit of not eating his vege when he feeds himself! How did it all happen!!!?!?!

I have been trying to be creative when it comes to feeding him vege. I tried to snug it under his rice, putting more vege in his meatball or nugget and now I started juicing with vege.

But these are all short term solutions. He got to start eating his vege again!!

Stacking cups

Stacking cups can keep the little one busy for a long time! Little Andrew started playing with them since he was 1.5 years old. In the beginning it didn't make sense to him and he was just literally playing the cups. It didn't take him too long to figure out how the stacking cups work.

Now that he is 2 years old, he is already the master of it! And fortunate for us, he still likes to play with it after 6 months.

I do think stacking cups is one of the good old fashion toys that will never grow old.

Wooden puzzles

On and off I let Little Andrew working on these wooden puzzles.

The one of the left comes in 5 sets. He is already quite an expert on the "shape" set and so now moving into the "animal" set. He couldn't get it done at all when we first started. so I let him work on the shape first. Now that he is bigger, I decided to give the animal ones a try. He wasn't sure on day 1 how to do it. but on day 2, he could so it by himself! Wonderful! I showed him that it's about matching the same animals and I hope he got what I said.

Then the one on the right, it has 5 cylinder shapes in a block. Each puzzle has different sizes and length. He could do 4 of them and there is this last one that is of same shape but different length. He can't seems to get the idea. He did got it right once the other day but I suspect that was by luck because after that he couldn't do it again. Will just gotta keep working on this one.

It's not easy trying to occupy the little one's time at home with all sorts of activities. He got so much energy! As much as I would love to keep him busy with activities and not just watching TV or YouTube, the temptations are ever presence at home. And people tend to give in to his request all the time!!!! I just gotta work harder in keeping him away from these temptations. Oh and the good thing is he knows that I will not give in to him easily so he won't ask me to switch it on!