:(

It's not a happy day for me. I've prepared for the worst, and yes the worst is coming true. I had a blood test this morning to measure my hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) level, the lab says >2 is positive but I'm only at 4. Dr F said that at this point of time, I should be showing 25. So, I'm way way way down below. He said the hCG probably did spike and it's now on the falling level, which means the embryos did not stay "stuck" I wish Dr F would say, "Let me give you a jab to boost it." He said in this case, even the hCG surges, it's not normal. This will mean abnormal embryo growth. So, I guess there is nothing can be done.

Dr F was probably surprised by our coolness in this whole thing. Well, I guess I have prepared for the worse and I didn't expect it to definitely happen though it would have been nice... So what's next.

I will now have to wait for my period to come which should be coming within this week. Otherwise I'll have to go see him again. I will then see him again after 2-3 periods, i.e. January next week probably. This time the procedure remains pretty much the same, he will have to give me additional Growth Hormone to compliment the next cycle of treatment... So I guess I'll definitely fail any dope test if I were to suddenly become a professional athletic!

Anyway... signing off for now until the next cycle begins again...

Today is finally here!

Had a good night sleep, and woke up feeling fresh. So, off we go to the clinic!

Today of all days, my veins are very shy. The nurse at the clinic managed to get it but only manage to draw 0.00002cc blood. Sigh~ So they sent me to the Gribbles lab opposite. We wait for a while because the technician hasn't arrive and they are not open until 9am (we were there 8.45am). Once the lady came, I was soooooo ready and hoping that this is going to be my last time!

Seriously, the vein just won't show - which is normal, but this time they can't even trace ANYTHING! My oh my... I now have 4 puncture holes (3 on left, and 1 on the right). Even when she was trying to draw the blood from the one vein that seems to be more co-operative, it took her forever. She kept pulling and pushing the plunger and my blood to seems to flow so slowly and took her forever to fill up the vial!

Now, all I have to do is: 11am Cyclogest, then have a quickie lunch, then back to the clinic at 1pm for result.

One more day to go...

Tomorrow at this hour, I will be at the Dr F's clinic waiting for my result of blood test. I'm excited and dreaded at the same time. I kept telling myself, whatever the result, it's His will. He will give me strength to go through it. I have been saying the same prayer over and over again since the day of embryo transfer. Whatever the result, I will be thankful for what He has done. He has given me the strength to go this far, so I believe He will continue to give me strength to walk further.

I'm so worried that I'll have spotting that the first time I do when I am in the bathroom is, check my panty liner if it's clean! (I think that is part contributing to my fetish!) Each time it's clean, I'm so happy. If ever there is any spotting means not so good news and I would have been in a frantic and call hubby then the clinic to see if I can see Dr F NOW NOW NOW!!

I have been having minor neglectable cramps on and off. And today (since the morning I woke up), I had only felt once. Under normal circumstances when I'm on my normal cycle, this would mean I'm getting my period tonight or the next day. I hope this is not the case. Just one more day, and I will know if this is just me being paranoid. And again, under normal circumstance, I will have a bit of spotting yesterday and the period will come tomorrow. But I have no spotting, I guess this is comforting... I kept second guessing myself all the time if tomorrow will be positive or negative. Oh ONE MORE DAY!!!

That one more day is not easy to pass... I have been constantly checking out the time. So far my body is not giving me any hint of any sort and I think I read far too much stuff that is making nervous. I totally think I should stop readin this instant about infertility/pregnancy websites. From this moment one, I shall read about other stuff to take my mind off this nerve wrecking moment of truth!

Bad*** Indigestion

Tonight right after dinner, from the moment I sat down on the sofa in the living room, I started to have a wee bit feeling of indigestion. I thought it would go away after awhile... but it didn't. So I made myself a Milo, it's something that I would do when I have ingestion. It got worse throughout our Rosary Prayer. And after prayers, I came back up to my room to take a rest. I couldn't take it so I went through our medication drawer and whipped out the Gaviscon Chewable Tablets. I wasn't sure if I could eat that. So hubby made me Eno instead. But at the same time, it's Cyclogest time. I had to keep to the schedule. So I had extra pillows on my back to lift me up so I could stay in bed and have my Eno. I went online to search if it's safe to have the Gaviscon and it seems that it's ok. But just to be on the safe side, I will give Dr F a call tomorrow to check. If it's ok, I am so gonna bulk order this from people traveling to/from UK to get me supplies of Gaviscon!!!

It took about an hour for the Eno to finally kick in and save me from the pain~~~ I hope this is just one off, and I'll probably have to find my trigger food to have this bada** indigestion!!

Fetish

Ok ok... I'll admit it- I have clean panty liner fetish! There, I've said it. We'll, you see I have perfectly good reason why.

I am still on Cyclogest and there is bound to be some "leakage" no matter how long I stayed in bed after the insertion. As soon as I get ip from the bed, it will leak. I figured since it's wax based stuff, that means it's gonna smell weird, difficult to wash off (from me and the panty), so I figured I keep using panty liner then all is good. But I have the tendency to change it very often- whenever there is a bit of wax, I will change it- no matter how small the area is I will change it. So... I changed about 5 a day I think. But is 5 really overly done? I just want to keep myself clean and subconsciously I think I want to make sure the liner/panty is clean all the time so that I won't miss anything if I have any spotting.

I've since controlled my fetish and downgraded it to category 3 instead of 5 (come to think of it, it could have been a 6 easily).

Am I on track?

I am not sure all these feeling means I'm onto the right track or it's not happening!

The bloating has subsided but once in a while I would get gastric instead.This morning is the 2nd time I had "gastric attack" even when I wasn't feeling hungry. The pain came and gone in like a minute!! Or could this be due to the fact that I've not poo for days now!! I tried but nothing but air would come out.

There were cramps last week and it stopped after Dr F prescribed some meds. But today I can't help the feeling of my period is coming. There is no cramp but internally I can feel something is going on or something is happening... so I don't know if this means I'm on the right track. For these couple of days, I'm suddenly very aware of my body. I've never really tried to FEEL the period coming, or if my tummy is bloated or is it plain simple- I'm fat.

I suddenly have so much of doubt. Gosh!!! The wait is killing me!!!!!

Sunday= last bumbum jab

Today is my last (I hope) Pregnyl and Proluton jab. But the Cyclogest is not ending anytime soon. That will probably be determine by Friday when I go see Dr F. I felt less stretch internally and less bloated. I don't know if that is some sort of sign of what is to come. But I'm still staying in bed moist of the time, walk like an old woman... I totally believe my hormone is running high coz I'm feeling a sensitive?

Doctors and nurses will tell you not to think too much, but how not to when this is one of the biggest moment of your life where you gave in 200% of your time, effort, emotion, physically, EVERYTHING!! I tried not to think too much but seriously, how can I not when I'm not doing much lately besides staying in bed most of the time!!!!! Everyone keeps telling me walk less, stay in bed, walk slowly, don't go to work... sigh and Dr F said just go about with my daily routine!?!?

Sorry for being TMI, I've not poop for 2 days now :( I need to work hard on this subject!!!

Well, just a few more days to go till Friday.

Is it not Sunday today?

I totally felt like it's Sunday today because this would mean a day nearer to the 15th. I can't wait for the day to come and at the same time dread for it. I would love to see a positive, what if it's negative. If it's a positive, how long do I have to wait for the pregnancy to become stable? If it's negative, what's next?

How do I feel physically... well, I don't feel that stretched from the bloating and that make me wonder if I'm even feeling bloated anymore. But during last night's dinner, I ate so little so yes I'm still bloated. But now, I got that bit of feeling that my period is coming. But it's not the same cramps feeling that I had the other day. I don't know if this is a good sign or bad one. So far, I have no spotting at all. but then again it's too early to have any spotting or sort since my actual period isn't until another week. I used to have spotting 2-3 days before my real period would come. So I think by next week, I'll have my tell-tale sign? Until then there is really nothing much that I can do, except to take my medication as prescribed an tomorrow will be another jab- for now it will be the last.

It's only been a week

This has to be the most agonising 2-week a person can ever encounter. It has only been a week and another week to go before I'm due for a check-up and bloodtest.

After having the medication that Dr F gave me, the cramps are gone. I was feeling bloated during dinner time hence didn't eat much. But it's a different kind of bloated feeling as compare to before. I was bloated but I could still eat but last night, I couldn't eat at all. Even my niece asked me why do I rest from eating! Haha. I felt different probably because of the meds- I hope so. I tried no to think too much, but that is easier said than done. I also feel more "sensitive" about my body- I tend to think more why the pain, what could be the same, if I feel hungry is good sign, how come I don't feel as bloated any more... all sorts of question would run across my mind whenever I "felt" something about my body.

For now, I'm continuing my bed rest as much as I can. I pray hard for a positive next week.

Cramps

no no no no!!! I've got cramps last night so am off to see Dr F now :(

UPDATE: Dr F did a tummy scanand showed that my ovaries are still larger than normal which is about 4cm+ so that could be the reason why I have cramps. So Dr F gave me medication for pain and reducing the swelling of the ovaries. I will try to avoid the painkiller if I can.When I had my fibroids removal and keyhole, I didn't have any pain medication after that. So if I can live without the painkiller then, I can avoid it now!

Today at 11am I'll have my Cyclogest and Pregnyl as scheduled. So for now, all is good.

Progesterone-d

I realised that both my once-in-3-days jabs are also progesterone based medication. I feel so progesterone-d. There are so many hormones involved in the whole process that it's back to biology class all over again!

I read that Progesterone increases during the Luteal phase (post ovulation phase) and it helps to support the gestation period (the carrying of the embryo or fetus during pregnancy). Looks like besides having to consume all these Progesterone, there is nothing much I can do during these 2 weeks of waiting.

Bumbum painpain

Today, besides having my Cyclogest at 11am, I need to have additional 2 jabs. One of which had to be done by a nurse or doctor. I went to a normal clinic nearby for the jab, brought my Proluton along, only to be turned away by the doctor!!!! I have a supporting document about my jabs and he refused to do it for me! The irony is, the clinic performs BOTOX injection!! Whatever~~~~~

So I ended up going to another clinic to have my Proluton jab.

When the nurse inserted the needle, I was like "hmmm... ok. This is not as painful as I thought it would have been." When the nurse pushed the solution in, I wasn't feeling a thing. Great! But this was only short moment of bliss... As I was walking out the clinic to the car, I felt that same super inhumane pain on my bumbum!!! Oh my oh my... the pain lingers on for a couple of hours. Well, looks like tonight I won't be sleeping on my right.

Can't sleep...

I don't know if it's because I have been sleeping more than usual in the day that now I can't sleep. I'm wide awake since 3am!!! I twist and turn, add another layer of pillow, lower the temperature of the AC... and I still can't sleep. I kept thinking I'm sleeping at the right position. Am I allowed to sleep only side- that's how I usually fall asleep. And I normally sleep on my stomach!!! I'm certain I can't do this anymore! Now I've got to try to get use to sleeping on my back and avoid sleeping on my side- at least for now.

I guess I can only try to sleep as comfortably with the right position. For now is on my back I guess. This is like getting a new bed, sleeping in a foreign place... Even sleep is harder besides walking super slowly up and down the stairs!

2 more agonising week

I was in the OT from about 12.15pm and waiting for my bladder to be full. And this is the part that I dreaded the most. I'm terrible in holding my pee. I've got to go when I've got to go!! I tried to keep myself as calm as possible and try not to think about it. I looked around the OT, sing in my head, say a little prayer... after almost 40minutes the nurse says that is time and they prep me further. At this time, I can barely hold my pee. My prayers intensified at this moment, "Give me STRENGTH oh Lord." I kept repeating this!!!

At about 1pm, nurse got me all prepped and Dr F came me and ask me to relax if I can. And he asked if I feel full, I told him, "Yes, very." And so he started all the work down there. My only thought, "Grant me strength."

And so it's all over by 1.15pm. All 3 embryos transferred and now I can only wait. And this is what I wore to the clinic :)

And there are 3 of them...

Dr F said he retrieved 5 eggs and 4 were good enough to be fertilized and 3 were successfully fertilized. And all three are healthy embryo with the highest grade! So quantity doesn't matter and in my case quality counts!

So Dr F told us about all the risk involved. In every 10 transfer of 3 embryos, only 1 case that will carry all 3 to full term. Hubby and I spoke about it this morning, if 3 means we shall transfer 3 so the decision was already made and is made.

Now I'm waiting for 11.45 to come and the nurse shall prep me into OT for transfer.

Today is the finally here!

Today is the day for embryo transfer! I'm so excited. Until now I won't know how eggs were harvested or how many successfully grown into healthy embryo! We will make a decision today on how many to transfer based on how many good ones are there. I hope they all grow healthily!

I also have the feeling that I will have more meds to be inserted... *sweat*

Stay tune!

Tomorrow is the day!

Yesterday the procedure started late because the anaesthesian was caught up with an emergency surgery somewhere. So instead of 12noon, I had my procedure at about 1.20pm. The nurse let me in the surgical room at about 12.15pm, and ya I was alone most of the time in the surgical room. So I checked out my surrounding, I saw my heart beating at a pace of 82, 80, 89....

When the anaethesian came, he tried to find my vein and he failed miserably blaming my small blood vessel!! Hmp!!! I was poke 3 times before he could get it right! Unbelivable! Each poke is more painful than the previous one! Anyway, after he got it in and injected me with the meds, I did the count myself to see how long it will take for me to go under. 10... 9... 8... 7............... "Su Ying, your surgery is over d"

When I open my eyes, I was in the recovery area already. I was up and walking in 10mintues back to the bed! Yaye! This time I felt fine, no vomiting, no dizziness. All is good. Nurse said that I must pee before they let me go. Hmmm... But I didn't drink anything since 11pm the night before! Anyway I tried to pee, probably managed to squeeze my bladder dry with the few droplets of pee.



Prior to discharging, the nurse gave me medication. And I had to consume it at a specific time, 11pm, 11am & 11pm. The meeds given was Cyglogel and one must insert it via the VGG! OMG!!!! I can take needle anytime but VGG is something else. This is like wearing tampons I think. Sigh... For this I'll leave it for hubby to do the job.

As soon as I got home, went to bed and rest again. Gonna sleep so much these couple of days! Yaye!

Pick up day

Today is the day where all the eggs will be harvested!!! Last night I had my "poo-poo" pills that gave me an epic diarrhea at 5am! Everything came out including air. Hahaha!!

Am now waiting in the holding room~

Mother of All Jab!!!

Last night at 11pm sharp, I had my last jab (hopefully it stays that way)! But it wasn't an easy jab because it was a huge a** jab with the sharpest needle you've ever seen! I was too freaked out by the needle that I didn't even get the name of it to update here!!

Nonetheless, I toughen myself and jab on the left where I think so far it's the easiest spot to go it.

And because I was preoccupied by the huge a** needle, I forgot to "warm up" my solution. Normally what I would do is, I'll always warm up the solution by rolling it with my 2 palms. Since I forgot to do it, cold = pain............

Maybe I was on adrenalin high, I couldn't really feel any pain when I poke the needle in or when I inject the solution. Hahahaha. I was all too happy that it was my last needle! After the jab, I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I curled up in bed and fell asleep almost instantly!

It's happening soon!

News flash: Pick up date is 29th September. 2 more days to go!

During the scan, I can see the follicles much bigger in size compare to last Friday and I am really pleased to see them grow! :) All in all, I have about 6-7 follicles growing in various sizes. Some people has like 10-14 follicles!!! I hope mine is "quality counts." The larger ones are 21-22mm, and smallest is only 8mm. Dr F said he will harvest everything on Wed and then only can tell how many can be fertilised and grow into healthy embryo.

So for now, at 3.40pm I'll have my Buserelin. Then tonight at 11pm, my LAST JAB!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! No more jab tomorrow! YAYE!!!

Then on Wednesday morning, we need to be at the clinic at 10am, and the procedure will be at 12noon. So, for now... I can only pray that everything goes on smoothly as planned. May YOUR will be done.

Understanding my jab meds

As mentioned in earlier posting, I have 3 types of jab meds daily. In the morning, I have Suprefact Buserelin, Gonal-f and Menopur. Then in the afternoon, I have my Buserelin again.

My dosage for Suprefact Buserelin is 0.02ml each time. The active ingredient of Buserelin, which is a type of medicine known as a gonadorelin (LHRH) analogue. It reacts to the pituitary gland in the brain - where it stores various hormones, including the LH (Luteinising Hormone - surges when the follicles mature and subsequently contributes to the release of the egg from the ovary) & FSH. In this case, the LHRH is used to control the release of both LH & FSH hormones.

My dosage of Gonal-f starts at 300IU/0.5ml for the first 4 days, and now increased to 375IU, which is 0.625ml for the next 3 days. The Gonal-f contains pure FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone - used in the development of follicles).

And lastly the Menopur. This is slightly complicated... I need to inject 2 bottles of Menopur everyday. Each contains 75IU of FSH and 75IU of LH, and since it comes in powder form, it requires insulin to dilute. I normally inject 0.30ml into each Menopur container, and I'll get about 0.55ml of liquified Menopur.

The amount or dosage of hormone injection varies from person to person. My first cycle was underestimated, and the dosage was already different. So, this is NOT a guide to anyone as a dosage intake but rather the understanding of what I am injecting myself with.

Hubby's First Jab

Today is happy day... it's Hubby's birthday. It's also sis & bro-in-law's wedding anniversary. Then it's also Mid Autumn Festival! What an occasion.

So today, I let hubby try out something new - by giving me my afternoon jab! Well, I let him try it because it's the smallest needles among the 3 that I have to jab daily. I didn't look so that I won't scream at him to stop or go slow. I let him do it "freestyle." Well, it turns out to be much better than I expected. I didn't feel any prick when the needle was poked! Not bad for a first-timer huh :) I'm glad hubby gave it a go! I lurve u darling!

Understanding the hormones in me

I have been giving myself with 3 jabs a day, and these jabs are basically hormones: Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH). Both FSH & LH increase the number of growing follicles and subsequently stimulating their development.

With FSH, it increases the production of oestrogen and under the influence of hormone the largest follicle continues to grow and develop. And when the oestrogen increases, it triggers a surge of LH, which results in final maturation and the release of the egg from the ovary.

I hope I got the understanding right... during my next visit, I shall verify my writing with Dr F :)

Another painful outing...

Today is routine check up after administering N number of jabs. During the scan, Dr F found 3 tiny follicles growing on the right, and nothing on the left yet. And the best news is, the cyst is gone! Yaye!!

So I am now on new dosage of same meds for jab: 2x a day for Buserelin (0.02), Gonal-F (375IU) & Menopur (150IU). This new dosage is for the next 2 days and I will return for another scan on Friday to see if more follicles are growing. And with the slow growing rate, Dr F said the pick up date might be slightly delayed- which is fine, as long as the follicles are growing at the good rate and healthy.

And today is blood test day~ Arh... How dreadful each time I was told that there will be a blood test. This is a test call E2 - which I have no idea what is it.. HAHA... Anyway, nurse tried to draw blood from my left wrist but the needle just couldn't penetrate the vein. Sigh~ It was still bearable. Then the nurse and I decided that I should just myself to the Gribbles lab opposite. So far their success rate has been perfect - Ace at first serve. But this time... the technician couldn't find the vein at all!!! So she had to draw from my right hand, right above my index finger. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO~~~~ What happen to perfect score!!!! Sigh~ She did warn me it's gonna be painful... She gave me 2 seconds to breath in, and POKE and OOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHHH!!! As she pulled the plunger, the blood slowly filled up the container. But after like 2 seconds, the flow stopped! OH NO!!! She had to "move" the needle (SUPER OUCH!) so the blood can continue to flow. Sigh~~ PAIN~~~ and she pulled out the needle, another BIG OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness I am not afraid of needle, otherwise I would have screamed so loud that the whole plaza can hear me!!

Dating my Gonal-F

Gonal-F is very expensive and I have to use one whole pen each time. During my IUI, I only need to administer 75IU, but now I have to use up the whole pen of 300IU! And so far, I have used more than 10! Yes, IVF is expensive.

Since it is expensive, I was told by Dr F that there are always "leftover" in the Gonal-F pen. I never realise it until then. So, whenever I finished one pen, I had to keep the pen and bring whatever I have with me to the clinic during my next visit. So the nurse can extract and collect the leftovers from the pen, and put it into a syringe. The other time, the nurse extracted 3 leftover pens which equivalent to ONE new Gonal-F!

I have 8 with me now, and will be going to see the doctor in a short while!

Oh and also, I keep track on the date I've used them. I wouldn't want to use back a pen that is dated like a year ago! So I always stick a sticker to the plunger and "date" my Gonal-F.

Keeping up with the jabs

I have been very discipline with all my jab time, morning at 8.40am, afternoon at 3.40pm. Well, the morning jabs are ok since that's about the time I get up in the morning. But afternoon... I thought very hard as to what is the best time to have my jab. I could have done it in the evening say 8pm, but the movie-bug reminded me that if I do 8pm means I don't get to go for movie for a long-long time.... Then if I do it at night say 11pm means it's more than 12 hours. So... why 3.40pm? On my first day, I decided, ok 6 hours after morning jab which is 2.30pm.... but I reached home an hour late, so from then on 3.40pm everyday.

I also have a journal of my jabs, and it looks like this:
16/9 8.40am - Buserelin (R)
16/9 3.40pm - Buserelin (L)

17/9 8.40am - Buserelin (R), Gonal-F (L), Menopur (R)
17/9 3.40pm - Buserelin (L)

18/9 8.40am - Buserelin (R), Gonal-F (R), Menopur (L)
18/9 3.40pm - Buserelin (L)

You see.. since I have to jab so many jabs left right left right... so to even them out, I've got to remember which goes where on what date!

All my jabs...

I store all my medicine to jabs in a mid-size Tupperware to be kept in the fridge - making sure it's fresh! HAHA! The main reason I kept it in the Tupperware is to make sure all my meds are in one place and easy storage purpose.

The pen-like thingie, is my Gonal-F. The one (not visible) in the box is my busereline. And the vials are my Menopur.

Every morning, I'll take my meds out from the fridge, let it "thaw" a bit. Dr F said sometimes I feel the pain when I inject is because the "cold solution" being injected. The censor below the skin can only feel pain, and not cold. So anything else is PAIN. Pretty interesting fact!

This is how many jabs I had to administer myself:










This is the mess after:

Here we go again...

This is Round 2. Round 1 had to be "abandon" after discovery (well, or the lack of it) of only 2 follicles. I was on Microgynon for 18 days and on day 22 (16 Sept), I started Burseline jab again. This time one for the morning, one for the afternoon.

Then today onwards until next Tue, besides having the 2 Buserelin, I have my Gonal-F & Menopur. So, all in all is 4 needles in a day.

How do I feel? Hmmm... I am still not afraid of the needles (yet)! I will normally take a few deep breath before the jab to calm myself, say a short prayer "God, grant me the strength." And easy breezy~ I don't know if it's side-effect of the jab, but I am feeling tired for most part of the day. Probably because I had to conjure all the energy that is left in me to go through the jab, I don't know... Anyway, I feel fine and I WILL PREVAIL!!!!

IVF - is it that scary?

Am just watching Giuliana & Bill, and they are going through the phase about going into IVF. It is a big decision but is it as scary? I am thankful that my family is there along the way and that put my mind in ease and had no problem making that decision to go through IVF. So it is important that you are ready and have the support of your family otherwise it's gonna be difficult. You've got to be physically and mentally ready for the long and difficult process.

I have my hubby, my family and God with me all the way so to me NO it's not scary!

What is IVF?

Well, now that I have 2 more months before I restart my treatment, I've decided to do more research to understand IVF better. An overview of IVF...

IVF, In vitro fertilisation is a process where the eggs are fertilised by sperm outside the womb. The main treatment for IVF is infertility when all other methods of normal or assisted reproductive technology failed. For my case, we did an IUI before. Instead of giving it another go, I had my cyst removed and went straight to IVF. Now, the whole process of IVF includes hormonally controlled ovulation process, retrieval of eggs from the ovaries and fertilising them with your partner's sperm. Once the eggs are fertilised, they are they transferred back to the female's uterus. My first treatment stopped at "hormonally controlled ovulation."

During which blood tests were carried out for hormonal measurement, ultra-scans took place to scan for the growth of follicles, hormones jabs were given to control and stimulate follicle growth. It's a long and difficult process that will strain your physically and mentally. Sometime, you might develop needle phobia! (I learn a new word today: Trypanophobia - for fear of medical procedure involving injections/needles)

Abandon...

After poking myself for n-number of days, today's doctor review was - "Abandon treatment" I saw Dr F writing that down on my patient's folder. The rest of the content - I just couldn't make up of the rest of the doctor's handwriting.

I visited the doc 2 days ago for follow-up after 5 days of Gonal-F jab. The jab is suppose to help "manufacture" more follicles than the usual cycles. But the scan showed 2 on the left and none on the right ovaries. So Dr F ordered a blood test to check on my hormone levels. He gave me a "booster jab" for 2 days to see if it will help.

So today (2 days after my last visit), I went back to see Dr F for another scan. Well, it turned out that it's still the same 2 follicles on the left ovaries and nothing on the right. And the 2 follicles are 12mm (I think it's mm) but the ideal size should be around 17mm by now. Dr F was really thorough with the scan, making sure that he didn't miss any follicles hidden somewhere.

Even after much effort, nothing... So Dr F sat me down and this is when he told me that we should stop the treatment for this cycle. He mentioned that there are not enough follicles to be harvested, and the lesser the follicles/eggs, the success rate is even lower. So it's best not to proceed for this cycle.

What's next? Well, Dr F said to let my menstrual come and then I should see him again on Day 2 or 3. But he said to continue the treatment after 2 menstrual cycle. But next month, I still need to go on the contraceptive pills.

So... as of now, I don't need to do any jab, no medications... let my body to the work for now. And rest my poor needle-hole-filled tummy...

Day 13 of Jab

It has been 13 days of smooth sailing. I hope. My schedule is waking up daily at 8am(well, sometimes 15mins later due to late night watching World Cup...), even before I clean up myself, I will tip-toed to the fridge to grab my solution and walked back up. My gear:

- My supply of alcohol-soaked cotton
- 1ml Syringe (which I only need .5)
- 5.5ml Suprefact



I might have become the expert in drawing the .5ml (well, maybe sometimes .53ml or . 58ml)from the bottle - without bubble. I've mastered the technique after 11 days. YES, after 11 tries, I finally got it perfect without having to draw it and only to release it and then do it many many many times to get rid of the smallest tiniest air bubble.

Well, you see... You are suppose to remove the cap from the syringe, and pull the plunger and push it again to release all the air. And then you insert the needle to the bottle to draw the solution. Sounds easy right? NOT! Each time you pull the plunger, you will see air bubble forming. Then you have to push it all back in again... Dang... Everytime I had to repeat the steps over and over again.

Well because the quality of the syringe is a bit (ahem) elcheapo so even after pushing the plunger to the edge, there is bound to be some bit of air that is still stuck. So, as you insert the syringe into the bottle of solution, suggest that you push the plunger with ALL YOUR MIGHT to get rid of the air inside the syringe. YES, push with your fingers and push it till you feel the pain at your finger tip. But beware, if you push too hard, your syringe will push against the bottle, and air will get into your bottle and form BIG bubbles. So be gentle yet firm. Yes, it's quite a feat trying to accomplish the perfect solution extraction from the bottle.

And when you extract the solution, pull back the plunger slowly and steadily. And tada~ the perfect extraction!

Just like previously - Pinch, jab & release... Slowly releasing the solution by pushing the plunger, don't rush it. I find that by slowly pushing it will be a lot less painful. After you think you've got all the solution into you, think again... now you need to really push the plunger as hard as you can ensuring all the solution is totally released. Then count backward from 10, 9, 8, 7.... 2, 1. Slowly pull out the syringe. Ah~ That's it for the day.

I don't remember doctor telling me to lay down for a while after the jab, but that's what I will do. Give yourself a gentle tummy rub as you lay down - this gives you a "happy" feeling, sort of a comforting feeling :)

New jab starts...

Ok, had my first Suprefact jab yesterday. It was a bit of a mess. Since the jab this time is using the normal syringes, I have to hold it at the right position making sure there is no air bubble - which I failed miseably! I had to redo it a couple of times to make sure there is no air bubble. I have no idea how the nurse can get it right in the first place! At first it was just one small bubble, so tried the different techniques the nurse taught me to get rid of the air bubble... but it goes worst! I had to redo it all over again and still there is one small tiniest bubble! ARGh!!! So... in the end, I had to enroll the help of hubby. He is much better than me in this. HAHAHA.

Anyway, we got it all under control. So I jab myself... as before... PINCH & JAB! But maybe because this time I'm a bit more careful since it's syringe-type. I would prefer the pen type at anytime because it's less messy, easier to manage & most of all the needle is shorter! Anyway.... I pinch as hard as I can but when it's JAB time, the needle just won't go in. Maybe I'm afraid of needles already??? OH NO!!!!! I hope not because there are 16 more jabs to go...

So I brace myself, and slowly jab myself... And it HURTS! Since it's 0.5ml, it's a lot of liquid and it flows really slowly. It felt like ages! I was a bit scared I guess, so I was doing it slowly & inserting the liquid steadily at turtle speed I guess.

Anyway.... I did it! It wasn't pleasent but I shall prevail!!!!

What's Next

Today is my last day on Microgynon30, Dr F gave me another 7 pills to be continued till 2 July. In the meantime, I was given 17 new syringes (with a spare) to start new course from 30 June onwards. And this time it's REAL syringes, not the jab pen that I used to have. I would prefer the pen type, this is a bit over-whelming but I think I will be just fine jabbing myself.

Since last night, (the night before my last Microgynon30) I have a bit of a spotting. I called the clinic this morning and spoke to the nurse, she said continue my medication and there is nothing to be alarmed with. She said it could be that the medication is not strong enough. Hmm... does this mean my natural hormone is stronger than the synthetic ones! Good or bad? Anyways... Tomorrow I will be on new medication for 7 days, so will just have to continue the pills and start the jab on 30 June!

I was right!

My pills are coming to an end this Friday, so it's time to make an appointment to see the good old Dr F. I called the clinic in the morning, and asked Rude Nurse to make appointment for me to see Dr F. She then put me on hold to retrieve my patient file, after a while she came back and said that my card told me to call only when it's my day 1 of period. Then I told her, Dr F specifically told me that I should see him once I'm finishing my pills. She said no, that is not what is written in my card. I then asked her if she can go check with Dr F to confirm that. Once again she put me on hold. After a while she came back to the phone and said Dr F said to call again only when I have my period. FINE~

During lunch time, I felt that I was 100% right that Dr F had asked us to call before I finish my pills to make my next appointment! I remember that he told us that if I were to finish my pill on Sunday, call eary to make an appointment to see him say on Saturday. I confirmed that with hubby and he said he remembered that too. So I asked hubby to call the clinic for me. I didn't want to call coz I was really pissed with the nurse and unsatisfied with the attitude of Rude Nurse. He was lucky, he got another nurse to speak to. She said she will check with Dr F and call me back.

After 15minutes, she called back and said that I can make an appointment to see Dr F anytime this week. SEE SEE!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! I remember everything Dr F said! And boy, am I happy that I kept to my instinct and checked again in the afternoon!

Almost a week on the pills now

So it has almost been a week that I am on Microgynon 30, so far, the only thing that I realised about going on it is that my skin/complexion has changed. It's flaking and I've a mini-breakout, and this morning I woke up and saw this gigantic big ass pimple on my chin. :( Everyday I take one pill at exactly 12.15pm - I had alarm set on this time everyday to remind me. The pills come in a calender pack marked with days of the week to help you remember to take a pill every day which I find it pretty useful - in case you missed a day, you will know ;)

A bit more about the pills - Microgynon 30. It's basically a type of hormonal contraception pill that contains two active ingredients, ethinylestradiol and levonorgestrel. These are synthetic versions of the naturally occurring female sex hormones, oestrogen and progesterone. Ethinylestradiol (previously spelt ethinyloestradiol in the UK) is a synthetic version of oestrogen and levonorgestrel is a synthetic form of progesterone.

In a normal menstrual cycle, the sex hormones cause an egg to be released from the ovaries (ovulation) and prepare the lining of the womb for a possible pregnancy. At the end of each cycle, if the egg has not been fertilised the levels of the hormones fall, that's when your period will come.

So when you are on Microgynon, the pill works mainly by tricking your body into thinking that ovulation has already happened. This prevents an egg from ripening and being released from the ovaries.

This is to stop my ovaries from producing any egg this month during the ovulation period. Aduring the next ovulation, combined with another type of hormones, it should trick my body to releasing more than 1 egg.

So, it's 25minutes more to my next pill~

This is it!

Well, it sounded like a MJ movie title, but this really is it for me!

We visit Dr F yesterday at the first sign of my period. Well, you see... lately the coming of my period is weird. I will have 2-3 days of stain before the real flow starts. So when exactly is my period? Dr F said the day it flows is the first day. Oh! So I got it wrong then :D

Dr F told me to start medication only when my period really flows a.k.a. Day One. He prescribed Microgynon 30 for me. It's a 21-days medication of contraceptive pills. After which, I will be put on daily jabjab again for 2 weeks. Dr F also mentioned that the targeted "harvest date" is end July.

So now... I can only be a good girl & start my pills tomorrow & be prepared for weight-gain (one of the common side-effect as stated in the long leaflet that comes in the box).

Got to wait a bit more...

Well, well.... I have earlier scheduled for Laproscopy this week, but seems that it has to be postponed for another month. My period came unexpectedly earlier by 3 days, which means that I can't get back to JB in time (after my CNY break) for the surgery to be done by 22 Jan.

So... will have to wait for another month to get it over & done with. For now, I'm still free to do whatever that I can do :)

Punctured Wound (21/01/2010)

Well, 3 days after my blood testing drama, the evidence still lingers on. (From the top: Left wrist, left arm)

Blood test drama (18/01/2010)

Made an appointment to see Dr F in the afternoon of 18th Jan, and we've decided to proceed with the laproscopy to remove the 2 cysts. Dr F said that the cysts might not be blocking the flow of dye during the HSG I had, but it could still post problem to the release of egg - as seen last month during my folicle scan that the folicle is lodged between the cysts.

With the laproscopy, it will be able to tell in detail if the tube is blocked and disrupting the release of egg.

The laproscopy is to be performed on the 10-12 day after my period. Well, I can't be doing it before the Chinese New Year, so it is gonna be around 23-25 Feb. I can estimate the time due to the fact that my body clock works like a very precise alarm - my cycle 29 days, on the dot every month. It was still accurate since officially, my staining did start 29 days after my previous period.

We will then decide if we should do another round of IUI or go straight to IVF.

After the consultation with Dr F, the nurse went through a session with us on laproscopy and IVF. We went through a slide show and it was indeed very educational. I see how both a laproscopy and IVF is done and got a better understanding. Great!

Now, blood test - as prescribed by Dr F. All is good, up until NOW! I warned the nurse that I'm one of those that you cannot find the vein for blood test. I warned her to use the smallest tiniest needle that they have in stock. I was so unprepared.... I used to do some lifting before going for my blood test back in KL, making sure there is hope that the vein will pop.

Poke #1 - Right Arm. Needle (not the tiniest one) went in, pull the shringe, oops, no blood. Poke a bit around and deeper, still no blood. FAILED.

Poke #2 - (Another nurse) Left wrist, just below the thumb. This time the nurse used the weirdest needle I've seen. I remember she called it the "butterfly." But the needle on the head of the buttefly needle that she used was still too biiiiiiggggg! The moment she poked, my vein collapsed. FAILED.

Poke #3 - Left hand, right below my ring finger. Same butterfly needle, went it - PAIIINNNNN... She poked around a bit, moving the needle around to find the again collapsed vein. And this had turned to the worst ever blood test experienced I'll ever have! Again, no blood. FAILED.

Poke #4 - (Another nurse) I was told to try to lay on the examination bed. Ok, which is fine by me. This time it's Right arm - again. (Refer to Poke #1) This time slightly to the left, the earlier was to the right. Needle in, but nothing out. NOT A DROP OF BLOOD... By now, I thought I'm immune to the needle puncturing my skin. I was wrong... (Refer to Poke #5)

Poke #5 - Right wrist, below the thumb area. By now I've probably used up their monthly supply of needles! Needle in, move about, still no blood. The nurse moved the needle around the punctured area - poked deeper, move left, move right, again left, deeper, right... Ah.... sign on SOME blood flow. BUT NO, the blood flow decided to stopped after maybe 0.1ml??? I thought it was over and done... SIGH~~~~~

By now, the nurses decided to send me to the Gribbles Lab which is right opposite the clinic. (I've never realise there is a lab there!)

Poke #6 - A lab technician came, and took the largest needle I've seen out from the drawer. She sat me on the chair, massage my vein a bit... and poked the largest ever needle into my left arm. And when she pulled the shringe, HALLELUJAH!!!! BLOOD FLOW!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES!!! Finally after 6 attempts, blood was finally drawn from me!

There you go.. my blood test drama. I wonder if I should request Dr F to do it the next time when there is another blood test. I think by now, the nurses are scared to hear that I need to do any blood test! Hahaha...

Unsuccessful Case #01 (18/01/2010)

Sorry about the abrupt cut of the previous post.. I was running late the other day.

Anyway... What had happen was I had some sort of staining for 3 days (Fri-Sun), but today, my body finally told me the answer - it was an unsuccessful try, so I'm in the 80% statistic that didn't get a positive result.

Had made an appointment to see Dr. F. Then we will decide see if I should proceed with the laproscopy or give it another try.

Still have to wait til tomorrow (15/1/2010)

I discovered that I have a few drops of stain just a while ago, so I thought is this the end of first attempt? I've heard that some pregnant women will still have some form of staining even when they are pregnant. So.. I'm not sure...

I called the clinic and described to the nurse about my staining. She checked my file and asked me if my flow is a lot. I told her that it was just a few drops, so she said to wait until tomorrow see if the flow is heavy.

Oh wait... I need to call back the clinic to check if I should continue my meds.

Still waiting... (12/1/2010)

The days seemed to go by so slowly... But I'm not sure if this is going to be a success story just yet.

I have been feeling these cramps, though on and off, it can be quite uncomfortable. It feels just like period cramps - exactly actually. So I'm not sure if it's normal at all! All we can do now, is still wait and see...

What is Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)?

IUI is where the "washed sperm" is inserted into uterus using a thin flexible catherer.

The process of inserting the catherer usually doesn't take very long, but since the procedure has to be done with a full bladder - the whole waiting for your bladder to fill up might take long.

The best timing to perform the IUI (according to Dr F) is to be done within the 24hours of ovulation- detected through LH surge in urine and ultrascan of the follicle. That's why I had to visit the doctor every 2 days to monitor.

For me the whole process leading to IUI procedure goes like this:

- Arrange to see doctor on 2nd or 3rd day of mensus

- Immediately start jab & medicine (Clomid) for continuous of 5 days

- Return to see doctor on day 11 (where I had 2 more jab), 13 then 15.

- On day 15, IUI is done. Along with the IUI, I had another jab - which is injected to the lower abdomen by the nurse with REAL NEEDLE/SHRINGE (the needle was as long as 2 inches!) and I am now on medication (Duphaston)- to stop on first sign on period

For now, it's gonna be a wait of 2-weeks or until 23 January.

Happy New Year - and today is THE day! (1/1/2010)

Happy New Year 2010!

We were out for fireworks display in Singapore - and to our disappointment it could have been better rather than the usual bang-bang, even the frequency of the fireworks are slow. But I'm glad we went on a "spontaneous" quickie outing to Singapore!

Anyway... This morning's appointment was slightly earlier than usual. So we head out to the clinic early today. Usual routine - PEE... Gosh! I have NO PEE!!!!! I sat in the bathroom for a couple of minutes, no pee!!! So, I came out, drank 2 glass full of water. After a while, I tried to go into the bathroom to try to squeeze out any pee that I have. Well, it did, but it was like 10 drops of it! Haha... Even with that little pee, I returned the container to the nurse. She said it was good enough! Phew!!!!!!!!! I couldn't possibly pee again!!

Dr F is back - so happy! When I had my follicle scan, I can clearly see the follicle has shrunk - Dr F was surprised too. He commented that there was some fluid in my uterus - which he said it meant I had ovulated. BUT, as we sat back down at his workstation, my urine test showed NEGATIVE. Hmmm... so have I or have I not. Dr F said that the peak of the hormone surge for 24hours, so it is possible that either I ovulated this morning and the hormone is not high enough for detection OR I ovulated yesterday already.

So Dr F said to go ahead with the IUI today. So so so... today is THE DAY!! Before we left the room, Dr F said I had to have a full bladder for the IUI procedure. Hmmm.. interesting...

Hubby had to submit his specimen *ahem, while I wait outside. Then the lab will have "wash the sperm" to prepare for IUI. This process takes about an hour, so we waited at the clinic. Since Dr F said I had to have a full bladder for the procedure, I kept drinking after each time I visited the bathroom.

After about an hour, the nurse told me to empty my bowel and then drink 1.5 cups of water - which I obliged. Then nurse brought me the procedure room and I had to lie down for 5-10 minutes and she will come back again to check my bladder.

10minutes went pass, nurse came in and did an ultrasound and said that my bladder is not full enough. "Another 10 more minutes," she said. Another 10 minute came and gone, she came in again to check, still not enough! Hmmm... I was curious why must my bladder be full to perform the IUI. She showed me my ultrascan, she said "the white line must be like this (her palm showed an almost 150degree slant), so doctor can see your uterus to perform the procedure." Oh ok, fine. So I waited for another good 15mintues this time (yes, I was keeping track of my time), another nurse came in and did the ultrasound scan. She asked if my bladder is full, I said "Yes, and I need to pee very badly." She then allow me to take a leak - literrally, I can only pee a bit.... Oh my this is tough! When I was in the bathroom, I almost had the urge to EMPTY MY BLADDER! I did my best to "pee a bit."

When I came back, the nurse did the scan, she said, "Oh, have to wait a bit more. Still cannot see properly." I was like, "Heck! Then don't ask me to pee lah!" She said this time 5-10minutes more should be ok. FINE~~ I went back to my place, laid down (mind you half naked and covered with a thin pieace of cloth, with aircon blowing at me). After 5 minutes, it felt like I HAD TO PEE again!!!! Gosh!!! The nurse came and scan and not to my surprise, not full enough and guess what - another 5-10minutes! Oh heck................. speechless...........

It was getting colder, and I STRONGLY need to PEE BADLY!!! 10minutes passed, and no sign of nurse. I got down on the bed, pace around the area (butt naked) for at least another half an hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, I HAD TO PEE!!!!

Finally Dr F came, saw me pacing around asked if I had to pee. I said YES!!! He asked if I can hold on, I asked if the procedure is going to be very long. He said just a short 1-2minutes. Oh heck.... LET'S DO IT!

As I went up on the bed, the climb made me wanna pee so badly!!

Anyway, Dr F started the procedure in no time. I actually wasn't looking at anything, I just close my eyes braving myself not to pee on Dr F's face! I could feel a little sensation of pricking pain, but I couldn't be bothered. I kept bracing myself, telling myself not to pee, hold the pee.

And Dr F was right, it was no more than 2 minutes and it was done. He said that I should stay in bed for another 10-15minutes. I almost wanna cry!! So I stayed in bed, but I REALLY CANNOT HOLD MY PEE ANYMORE. All in all, I held onto my pee for the last 1.5hours!!!!

Nurse came and checked on me, if I'm ok. I told her I really CANNOT HOLD MY PEE ANYMORE, and PLEASE LET ME GO PEE!!!!! She insisted I can't, so... she gave me the urinal pan to pee in the bed... The instant she left it underneath my buttock, I PEED - none stop for a good 5 minutes I think!! What a feeling! Such a relief!

After that I still had to stay in bed for another 30minutes. The nursed allowed hubby into the procedure room to accompany me. So I told hubby about my dire need to pee and that I wasn't sure what did Dr F just did to me - I was too distracted by my urge to pee.

After all is over, I got up and the nurse dispensed me some medication and we left for lunch!