Here we go again

Today is 4 periods after the first time... so here we go again. I went to the clinic and picked up my medication - Microgynon. I will start my first pill tomorrow (1 Feb) and is scheduled to see doctor on the 19 Feb. I guess this is when my new jab cycle will start! Here we go again~

:(

It's not a happy day for me. I've prepared for the worst, and yes the worst is coming true. I had a blood test this morning to measure my hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) level, the lab says >2 is positive but I'm only at 4. Dr F said that at this point of time, I should be showing 25. So, I'm way way way down below. He said the hCG probably did spike and it's now on the falling level, which means the embryos did not stay "stuck" I wish Dr F would say, "Let me give you a jab to boost it." He said in this case, even the hCG surges, it's not normal. This will mean abnormal embryo growth. So, I guess there is nothing can be done.

Dr F was probably surprised by our coolness in this whole thing. Well, I guess I have prepared for the worse and I didn't expect it to definitely happen though it would have been nice... So what's next.

I will now have to wait for my period to come which should be coming within this week. Otherwise I'll have to go see him again. I will then see him again after 2-3 periods, i.e. January next week probably. This time the procedure remains pretty much the same, he will have to give me additional Growth Hormone to compliment the next cycle of treatment... So I guess I'll definitely fail any dope test if I were to suddenly become a professional athletic!

Anyway... signing off for now until the next cycle begins again...

Today is finally here!

Had a good night sleep, and woke up feeling fresh. So, off we go to the clinic!

Today of all days, my veins are very shy. The nurse at the clinic managed to get it but only manage to draw 0.00002cc blood. Sigh~ So they sent me to the Gribbles lab opposite. We wait for a while because the technician hasn't arrive and they are not open until 9am (we were there 8.45am). Once the lady came, I was soooooo ready and hoping that this is going to be my last time!

Seriously, the vein just won't show - which is normal, but this time they can't even trace ANYTHING! My oh my... I now have 4 puncture holes (3 on left, and 1 on the right). Even when she was trying to draw the blood from the one vein that seems to be more co-operative, it took her forever. She kept pulling and pushing the plunger and my blood to seems to flow so slowly and took her forever to fill up the vial!

Now, all I have to do is: 11am Cyclogest, then have a quickie lunch, then back to the clinic at 1pm for result.

One more day to go...

Tomorrow at this hour, I will be at the Dr F's clinic waiting for my result of blood test. I'm excited and dreaded at the same time. I kept telling myself, whatever the result, it's His will. He will give me strength to go through it. I have been saying the same prayer over and over again since the day of embryo transfer. Whatever the result, I will be thankful for what He has done. He has given me the strength to go this far, so I believe He will continue to give me strength to walk further.

I'm so worried that I'll have spotting that the first time I do when I am in the bathroom is, check my panty liner if it's clean! (I think that is part contributing to my fetish!) Each time it's clean, I'm so happy. If ever there is any spotting means not so good news and I would have been in a frantic and call hubby then the clinic to see if I can see Dr F NOW NOW NOW!!

I have been having minor neglectable cramps on and off. And today (since the morning I woke up), I had only felt once. Under normal circumstances when I'm on my normal cycle, this would mean I'm getting my period tonight or the next day. I hope this is not the case. Just one more day, and I will know if this is just me being paranoid. And again, under normal circumstance, I will have a bit of spotting yesterday and the period will come tomorrow. But I have no spotting, I guess this is comforting... I kept second guessing myself all the time if tomorrow will be positive or negative. Oh ONE MORE DAY!!!

That one more day is not easy to pass... I have been constantly checking out the time. So far my body is not giving me any hint of any sort and I think I read far too much stuff that is making nervous. I totally think I should stop readin this instant about infertility/pregnancy websites. From this moment one, I shall read about other stuff to take my mind off this nerve wrecking moment of truth!

Bad*** Indigestion

Tonight right after dinner, from the moment I sat down on the sofa in the living room, I started to have a wee bit feeling of indigestion. I thought it would go away after awhile... but it didn't. So I made myself a Milo, it's something that I would do when I have ingestion. It got worse throughout our Rosary Prayer. And after prayers, I came back up to my room to take a rest. I couldn't take it so I went through our medication drawer and whipped out the Gaviscon Chewable Tablets. I wasn't sure if I could eat that. So hubby made me Eno instead. But at the same time, it's Cyclogest time. I had to keep to the schedule. So I had extra pillows on my back to lift me up so I could stay in bed and have my Eno. I went online to search if it's safe to have the Gaviscon and it seems that it's ok. But just to be on the safe side, I will give Dr F a call tomorrow to check. If it's ok, I am so gonna bulk order this from people traveling to/from UK to get me supplies of Gaviscon!!!

It took about an hour for the Eno to finally kick in and save me from the pain~~~ I hope this is just one off, and I'll probably have to find my trigger food to have this bada** indigestion!!

Fetish

Ok ok... I'll admit it- I have clean panty liner fetish! There, I've said it. We'll, you see I have perfectly good reason why.

I am still on Cyclogest and there is bound to be some "leakage" no matter how long I stayed in bed after the insertion. As soon as I get ip from the bed, it will leak. I figured since it's wax based stuff, that means it's gonna smell weird, difficult to wash off (from me and the panty), so I figured I keep using panty liner then all is good. But I have the tendency to change it very often- whenever there is a bit of wax, I will change it- no matter how small the area is I will change it. So... I changed about 5 a day I think. But is 5 really overly done? I just want to keep myself clean and subconsciously I think I want to make sure the liner/panty is clean all the time so that I won't miss anything if I have any spotting.

I've since controlled my fetish and downgraded it to category 3 instead of 5 (come to think of it, it could have been a 6 easily).

Am I on track?

I am not sure all these feeling means I'm onto the right track or it's not happening!

The bloating has subsided but once in a while I would get gastric instead.This morning is the 2nd time I had "gastric attack" even when I wasn't feeling hungry. The pain came and gone in like a minute!! Or could this be due to the fact that I've not poo for days now!! I tried but nothing but air would come out.

There were cramps last week and it stopped after Dr F prescribed some meds. But today I can't help the feeling of my period is coming. There is no cramp but internally I can feel something is going on or something is happening... so I don't know if this means I'm on the right track. For these couple of days, I'm suddenly very aware of my body. I've never really tried to FEEL the period coming, or if my tummy is bloated or is it plain simple- I'm fat.

I suddenly have so much of doubt. Gosh!!! The wait is killing me!!!!!