My child is my own

Now that the baby has arrived, there is no right or wrong in the upbringing of my child. Every child is different. What worked on some, may not work on my little Andrew. Just like some babies will drink more milk than the others - it's all about individual growth rate.

I am with my baby all the time, I know what stimulates him, how he drinks his milk, his sleeping pattern, his sleep cycles, how to change his diapers, etc. I don't need to hear from others about how I should feed him, how I should bath him, how to train him this or that, etc. My child is my own. However he turns out to be in the future, he is mine.

I mean seriously... I didn't ask for opinion or advice, so please, let me go through the experience by ourselves. Let us learn together with the little one.

What are the odds?

There is a group of 6 of us, known as the Tung Zhi (同志) and Zhi Tung (志同). We sat together on my final year of high school (3 in a row).

I gave birth in November, next one is due in Feb, another due in April and another due in May! Which actually means that 4 out of us of us were pregnant at the same time! What are the odds! I mean we see pregnant women all the time but the 4 of the besties pregnant together?

It would have been great with we could meet up while still pregnant. But distance is the killer here, all four of us are located at different part of the world.

I would certainly hope that one day, our next generation will bring us together once again :)

What smell?

During one of the diaper change for little Andrew by hubby...

"No poo only pee- pee?"
"What no poo? So smelly!" while
lifting little Andrew's butt higher
"Smell? What smell?"
"Poo smells!!"
"Nope, I can't smell a thing."

Hahaha! I wonder if it's normal or is it just me feeling that my own son's poo is not smelly when everyone else think otherwise?

I think it's a blessing in disguise that I can't smell the poo otherwise I will
have to gag every time during diaper change!

Being emotional

It's strange that throughout my pregnancy - well except to the last bit, I have been able to keep my cool. But I felt more emotional now than when I was still pregnant!

Few nights ago, during one of the midnight feeds, I suddenly felt so happy that I shed a few tears of joy. That our dream finally came through.

And now the thought of hubby gonna go to Singapore tomorrow made me emotional again. I don't know why but it kinda made me feel sad that he is "going away" on a weekend and leaving me behind. He has been very supportive all these time and so maybe I thought he would know better than to leaving me behind.

I normally wouldn't mind but maybe during this confinement period I need him more than ever.

Don't get me wrong. I am enjoying the moment I spent with little Andrew, especially during night feed when it's just me and him. In fact, I felt especially overwhelming happiness when hubby is there for me and with me as we change diapers together, making formula together, showering him together...

Not only I can't bear with little Andrew leaving my sight, now hubby going away further "unnecessary" (besides going to work or church or grocery shopping) is making me emotional. This is strange new territory for me. Maybe I'm scared so I'm being emotional. But what can go wrong right?

Now that I recall

17 November 2011 - one of the most significant days of our lives. This day marks the day where our dream comes through. Our dream of being a parent.

How it happen...

1.20am - First sign on the "show" during my toilet break. Tried to go back to sleep but the backache kept me awake most of the time

6.30am - Another toilet break where the "show" continued.

9.30am - Time to get out of bed and washed up. More "show" making appearance.

9.58am - Called the clinic to update my backache and informing about the arrival of the show. Nurse said she will call back. Woke hubby up to get ready to go clinic or hospital.

10.26am - Dr F called and spoke for like 2 minutes and decided that "it is time!!!" Told hubby it's time to grab the hospital bag! We steadily got dressed and grab the bags and off we went.

11.10am - Clinic called and said that Dr F had arrived the hospital and was waiting for us. How did he get there faster than us!!!

11.15am - Arrived the hospital (finally after missing the turn off). Dr F waited for us in the hospital lobby. We registered ourselves. The administrative staff told us only the 6-7 beds ward is available! No way I'm going to share with other patients! We asked them about the top floor where the suites are. We were lucky to have toured the hospital weeks before and were shown the suites! In the beginning they told us 4th floor is not open. But we insisted that they check with the administrator about the suites! A lady came out and told them to let us have one of the suites! Yes!! Thank goodness we were prepared!

11.35am - We finally got ourselves registered and checked in. We were brought up to our suite in top floor of the hospital. It wasn't in use so the nurses were just getting the bed ready for me. They gave me a hospital gown to change into and prep me.

12.05pm- I was wheeled into the operating theatre. I remembered the time because I asked hubby what time it is right before arriving the OT. We bid each other "see you" and I am on my own now.

The nurses seemed to me they are rushing things around like it was an emergency! Well maybe it kinda was. Dr F greeted me together with the Anesthesiologist (Can't recall his name - all I remembered about him was he said he can't speak Mandarin). He told
me to sit up on the operating table so that he could administer the half body anesthesia through the back of my spine. And he warned me that it was going to be painful. As he jabbed me, I felt a prick and it wasn't as painful as I thought it might have been. The Anesthesiologist commented that I was good and that I didn't scream of pain. Dr F was there and he knew that I had worst and is probably not afraid of needles anymore. And yes he was right.

After they lay me down for about 10 seconds I started to lose feelings on my toes. I couldn't move them anymore. And the nurses raised a curtain that blocked my view of my soon to be opened up tummy.

12.44pm - I probably lost all feelings in the next 10 seconds because I recalled that I soon heard baby's crying!! I was like, "oh ok! That's fast." After that it was a bit of a blur for me. Did they put me under first or did they bring the baby to me?

When the nurse brought our little warrior to me, I was kinda blur but I clearly remember the cute little face all bundled up. The nurse let me kissed the baby and I was so happy. Now that I recall, the first word I said to him was "Hello" :) I was quite surprised that I didn't cry! Maybe because everything happened so fast that the emotion had no time to hit me.

And after seeing the baby, I think that's when I was put under. By the time I was up, Dr F came by to say everything is done.

I was soon wheeled out. Hubby was already standing outside waiting for me.

Before 1pm and I'm back to my room. Hubby must have been busy messaging and calling everyone while I rested.

After I rested for a while, the nurse brought little Andrew to my room and
let us took out first picture with him. (Will update with picture later)

It had been quite a journey for us. Little
Andrew is our pride and our joy, our pain and happiness... he is our everything now.

Breast milk

During the hospital stay I was still unable to produce any breast milk. After we were discharged I continued to try many ways and techniques to squeeze and massage myself so I can breast feed him.

For 3 days there were nothing at all - I tried the manual and electrical pump. My breast were starting to feel tender and engorge and pain came along too. Then came the 4th day, just as I was done with the pump for the day, I saw a tint of milky droplets!!! Yes! I finally made it.

I tried to breastfeed little Andrew but I am still unable to master the latch on. Until today I have yet to get the latching on right. But I will not give up, I will continue to let him try. We shall work towards more breastfeeding! o(^_^)o

Forever Grateful

After a week of bringing a new life into our family, it suddenly struck me that "I am a Mummy now" and this dream will never come through if it weren't for the blessings from Him. It is by His Will that our little warrior came to us. It is not by chance but by His will - for this I am forever grateful.

Today was my review with Dr F and we brought along little Andrew to see Dr F. It is with the help of Dr F and his team that helped us making our dream come through. Dr F was so delighted to see little Andrew - coincidentally his son's name is also Andrew!!!

My little trooper was such a sleepy head that he slept through the whole visit. And I'm glad that he brought cheers and happiness to the Dr F and his team with his visit today.

We were a bit worried about little Andrew because he looked a tad "yellow" so that prompted us to bring him along for today's review. Because otherwise we will have to wait for another day for his own review with the pediatrician - Dr K. Being first time parents, we were a bit paranoid I guess and we just couldn't wait for another day. So when Dr F said he does look a bit yellow and we should just go ahead and bring him to Dr K.

So we came home after Dr F since the pediatrician clinic is going to closed for lunch by the time we get there. I managed to steal 10 minutes of bed rest in between.

Of we go to see the pediatrician, little Andrew fell asleep on his way there. He woke up only because he had to be "changed hand" so many time disrupting his beauty sleep. While waiting to see Dr K at the waiting area, we saw other children going to see him and all came out sobbing or crying!! I guess all children hate doctors' visit.

When it was our turn, we went into the consultation room, it was decorated with so many cute stuff and kiddy wallpaper to entertain the kids!!! Dr K said he does look a bit yellow so he ordered a blood test - and it was painful for hubby to watch little Andrew being poked with a needle to extract a small vial of blood for testing. Little Andrew is such a brave boy that he only cried when the needle was stuck to his hand. And he stopped crying pretty quickly after that.

Andrew, the warrior, really made us proud today!

We waited outside the clinic for the return of his blood test result. He was still fast sleep. I'm glad he slept through :) When the result came back, it showed that he has very mild jaundice and did not require any treatment under the UV light. I'm so relieved that we didn't need to leave him in the hospital!!! Dr K said the reason that he is having a slight jaundice is a proof that his liver is functioning which is a good sign.

Other than being on the lighter side, he is totally healthy! We are so glad that the whole ordeal is just us being paranoid. Well, better safe than sorry, right?

Milestone

I realised a lot of mommies love keeping the little milestones of their babies firsts, such as haircut, smile, head-lift, sit up, steps, walks, etc.

I have not started recording our baby's first and I'm not sure if I ever will, just yet. Well you see, in 20 years looking back, will anyone be interested with his first hair cut or his first step? So is it really necessary keeping all this stuff?

At the moment, I have only kept notes on his growth when he was still inside of me. And now, I'm keeping notes about his milk intake- time and quantity. This is just part of me monitoring his growth, making sure he drinks enough and looking at the notes, hopefully can understand his needs and eventually be able to use the information to start training him on drinking time and knowing the day from night - for now. Not sure if those notes are important beyond that just yet :)

This is how sleeplessness feels like

I finally got a taste of sleeplessness today. Last night was only 2 hours of sleep and for the rest of the day I didn't get to take any nap at all.

He was so well behaved in his feeding last night but this morning he is cranky again. Everyone has been telling me to teach him to differentiate day from night by having lights on in the room during the day. I know this is good advice but I personally think its too early to do too many trainings at a night. And this is probably the root to my sleeplessness.

What I will do from now on is introducing to him: there will only be a feed every 3 hours. Even if he started to make noises or cries, I will try to wait for the feed at 3-hour mark.

When hubby is around, I will let him make the formula while I try my best to let him suck- which until now hasn't been successful. I know I have milk because both my breast are tender and sore. But there is just no way in getting them out no matter how I try - baby sucking, manual squeeze and breast pump.

His feedings are still irregular in terms of timing and amount. I need to get the rhythm right until I work on other stressful training. Otherwise, I'm just chewing more than I can bite.

One of the many first to come

Today's feed at 12.15am is one of the most successful because little Andrew finished his bottle of milk. Even it's only 30ml instead of the 60ml he is supposed to be drinking, we are glad that he finished. He has yet to finish the bottle of milk we fed, at whatever measurement we gave him.

Hopefully he will continue to finish his bottle of milk! ^_^

Lullaby Song

Little Andrew was crying up a storm just now refusing to sleep. Normally I would avoid giving into his crying if he was just teasing, but today was exceptionally long and loud. I checked his diapers but was empty. I left him alone again but he started crying again.

So I finally gave in. I picked him up and gave him a cuddle and starting singing "Jesus Loves Me" a Sunday School song I have known all my life. He then stopped crying.

Oh I spoke too soon... he started crying again before the end of the blog. So next... we thought is it that we forgot his baby oil??? So far so good... Fingers crossed.

On our own now...

19th November marks the first day baby is home. It has been quite an adventure for everyone! All the chaotic moment, all the mess, it's all part of the experience.

Today is first diaper change (1 by daddy, 1 by mummy), bottle feeding on our own - unfortunately mummy has no milk, mummy's first time midnight feed - on my own!

My first 2am feed was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy! I hope for the many nights to come it stays that way!

Baby has this strange sleeping pattern. He loves making noises while he sleeps! Well, in a way which is good because this will probably mean I won't need to check if he is breathing every minute! For now he sleeps next to me for easy feeding. Hopefully when the time comes he will sleep on his own in his own room!

Toilet break

On the 3rd day of hospitalization, I finally got out of bed myself unassisted! Hooray! I felt better today, getting out of bed is still not easy but I managed it. The walk is less painful now and it's definitely easier today than yesterday. It was exhausting getting to the toilet yesterday.

I was on painkiller meds for 3 days now, but since yesterday it's oral medication already. I love the injections- they gave you instant grouchiness and made you so sleepy!! I was in so much pain on first night that I had to ask for double dose which was super "happy"!! Haha! It took the pain away instantly!

But the next day, I felt much better and went on to try pills instead. It maybe lesser of a painkiller but at least they did take some pain away. Dr F came on Day 2 and told me not to pinch on painkiller- which I think it's good to have. You need the pills to take he pain away so whenever the baby comes by to your room, you can carry him, cuddle him, hug him with ease. Otherwise you will be so distracted by the pain.

I'm glad that baby is a healthy boy. So far I tried to breastfeed him 3 times already, and on the 3rd time it was success. Albeit it was just a little plus he was such a sleepy head. He fell asleep 2 minutes into feeding!! Hahaha! But I'm glad that he didn't cry a bit when he was with me :)

He is here!

Andrew Wee Song Ngee (黄松毅）came to us via c-section on the 17th November 2011 at 12.44pm, weighing 3.03kg.

I had the "the show" (aka Mucous Plug) at around 1am then again at about 6am. My backache was better only if I have the heat pack so it's not going away anytime. My lower abdomen is starting to be painful from contractions.

So I called the clinic and Dr F told me to go straight to the hospital, he will meet us there!

Ok the time is here and is NOW! Off we go to the hospital only to miss the junction! Hahahaha!

We registered ourselves and off we go to the room and got myself prep for the surgery.

By 12.44pm, all is done now. I'm officially mummy!

Pain stays

As of 6am, the back pain is here to stay!!! And at approximately 1am, I saw that my mucous plug (brownish in color) had appeared...

I managed to get some much needed sleep for about 3 hours with the help of
the heat pack! I think heat pack is such God-sent!!!! Greatest invention by mankind!!!!! The moment the heat is gone, I woke up from pain. I was sleeping on my favourite "throne" for the 3 hours. So I tried to get back to sleep on the bed, it was not good! I got onto my back and the back pain is terrible!!! And so I turn toy left. I actually felt ok on my left for 5 minutes then I turned to my back- biggest mistake EVER!!! The pain went on not only toy back but my nether region as well - sucks to the max. I got up and decided to go back to my throne and I felt much better sitting in a reclining position.

So is it imminent that the baby is coming today or tomorrow?

Coming Soon

We went for our Wednesday doctor appointment - started with the EKG again to check in baby's heartbeat. He was sleeping in the beginning of the test but after a while we can tell that he is awake. Which is pretty cool to see his calm heartbeat of 140s jumping to about 160s, and there is so much noise whenever he made his moves!

Then when it's time to see Dr F, I told him about the lingering backache that I have been suffering from since the night before. He showed some concern!!! Hmmm... During the ultrasound scan everything about the baby looks good and in fact he put on a whooping 500gm from last week. He now weighs 3.3kg!

After that Dr F had to do a vaginal exam, which I have no idea how or what way it is to be done. A bit o TMI here, turn away if you don't wanna know!!! He stuck his hands into my vee-jay-jay and by stuck I mean putting his hand into me!!!! OUCH!!!! The pain was pretty intense!!!!! All I can feel was PAIN!!!!! I knew doc was poking and feeling something in there but no idea what it was all about. It was really really painful and it's no joke!!!!

After which Dr F explained that I dilated for about 1cm already and that my cervix felt soft. Hmmm... he called it the early stage of labour- Latent phase. He said it might last from 14-24 hours, it all depends on how my body works. He said even with the show - where the mucous plug is released, there is not certain timing how long the labour is going to be.

So for now, go home and monitor. Oh wow!!! So this is it!! The time has come!

Dr F sent us home and told us to call the clinic the next day to update my status and that I might need to drop by the clinic again if the pain lingers or any other labour signs happen.

So let's wait!!! But yes looks like that he will be here before 20th November!

It's almost coming to 6 hours now

Yes I am still sobbing about it after almost 6 hours. I have been very good at controlling my emotion but today... today, I am such a failure. I thought I managed to overcome being emotional about things during pregnancy, alas I was overpowered. I never thought I would.

At week 38, the hormone won

Today is the first day I let my hormone and feeling overpower me. I have been sobbing non-stop for more than 40 minutes. I tried stopping but I just can't. Each time I thought I'm gonna run out of tears, they will come streaming down!

Why is this happening? It's all in the naming of MY BABY!!!!!! Yes MY BABY!!!!! MY SOON TO BE BORN SON!!!!!

We asked hubby parents to give us some suggestions for the baby's chinese name but they were epic failed because those name were either of no meaning to me or just sounds like ridiculous. I have a great Chinese and I want my kid to have a wonderful and meaning name too.

So I gave hubby the suggestion of one particular Chinese character that goes well with this English/Christian name. He is a determined warrior- after all the infertility that we had been through. He is my little warrior! But when we mentioned that to my in-laws, particularly my mother-in-law, she said no to it. Not because she didn't like the meaning of it but because it sounded like hubby's maternal grandmother's name. Oh come on!!!! It's like Daniel vs Daniele!!!!!! What's wrong with it!

And I totally lost it this morning when I heard the conversation between hubby and his mom. Hubby said if not this then we will go with another one. She went on to say. This other name is fine even though one of the male cousins' name also sound like it. I was like why can have same or even similar name with a cousin and not grandma. And the worst of all is one is a male name and the other a female name!!!!

I just lost it. I cannot accept it. She find a name that sounds like or doesn't sound like while I am looking for a name that means something to me.

I am STILL sobbing after an hour!

Bring it forward

We went for our check-up with Dr F last Wednesday and all is good. However may not be as scheduled as we thought... Dr F told us to be prepared and have an escape hatch in case the baby cannot wait until 20th November. Hmmmm.... I should have stuck to 11th!!!

The main reason I guess is that the discomfort on both of us are getting really annoying. He was 2.8kg last Wednesday. So by next week he could be 3kg at week 37. And which means that if we wait till week 40 he could weight approximately 3.7kg (at the growth rate of 250gm per week!!)

Ok he's gonna be a biggie!!

I'm feeling heavier by the seconds! My stomach is no longer mine. I think I lost my bladder too. I have been waking up every 2 hours to pee whenever I sleep/nap- good training for feeding schedule huh?


I haven't eaten rice for a week by now. Rice gave me bad indigestion and acid reflux, and I could not sleep until 2am since I had to sit upright for the discomfort to subside. When I don't eat rice, I felt better. I have less discomfort so I've decided to follow this diet for a couple of days to go? But tonight I had rice (though not much) so far still alright! Fingers crossed! Oh you might wonder what do I eat then... well I normally have something really soupy at night - noodle or meehoon. During the day, I have extra option of having bread :) Well, I'm hoping I will be back to normal diet after giving birth to baby!!

I can't wait to see you baby!!!